What have I done?
Today I found out that one of my closer friends, Julian is about to buy his first condominium. Meaning, he's about to buy his first house, and he's younger than I am.
How does that make me feel?
Honestly?
Jaded. Jealous. Upset at myself. Definitely inferior - I haven't told my girlfriend that yet, because if I did she would compare me and sing his praises. Afterall, amongst most of my inner circle, she's his most outspoken supporter.
He's younger than I am by a year, and I've spoken to him multiple times as a senior to a junior. But if I truly sit down and think of his circles - he's evolved quite a bit this time. Hanging out with the most successful bankers around... definitely a good move.
He's been playing his pieces well, and in a focused dedicated manner. From securing his academics in a safe course, to pushing himself to work for his father, to making friends and linking up with others whom he might be able to add value to, and whom add value to him.
How have I been playing my pieces?
-I've focused on two things at once, tearing myself apart. - not achieving greatness in one or the other.
-I've been moshing around with my girlfriend, not sure if I'm getting married with her or not.
-I've been wasting time, wasting two years - A Levels + Jules
-I've squandered the money earned during the Jules period on expenses spent for the Jules period.
-I've no longer term financial goals as of now, other than the inexplicably far away idea that I want to be a billionaire.
-Have I truly made progress? No. I have not. I've moved from stupid experience to stupid experience, and I fear I am labelling it as "experience" or paying my dues, or getting the needed expertise.
But this is not how experience is gained.
I need to remember before I do anything, what I am willing to put in, what I want to get out of, and when are my stop-points.
I have been living very sloppily.
I have not been striving to improve my circles. I adopt an arrogant stance towards everyone. I adopt a very irresponsible view towards my own university education. How can I say that I am someone who wants to lead the world forward towards newer frontiers?
How?
I know I am able to interact with people on the Chief Executive level because oftentimes I understand and can grasp the issues they face, the big picture strategic considerations. But proximity to power does not indicate power...
And I always mistake the two...
And mas importantes, I am a cocky motherfucker. I think I hide behind my cockiness because I don't want to admit that I may not be as great as I think I am. Oh it is so easy to eschew responsibilities for a more arrogant view.
The fucking emperor with no clothes. That's what I am right now. A walking talking hypocrite.
I need to admit this. Get this out of my system first. What money have I truly made?
As one of my friends has said:
"And I treat you like god, because you are so much more experienced than I am."
But what results do I have to show for all this? Truly? What results?
I set my mobile phone password to 1755 previously, because at the end of my Year 4 in SMU, I would like to graduate with 1.755 million in my bank account. I never told anybody this because I want this to be something I do well for my parents so they don't have to worry, and so that I can get started with a dece amount of money.
But the truth is that looking at the odds, looking at the different opportunities in front of me, looking at the realities of the situation...
I need to step up and don't ever look back. Don't ever look back...
That would likely help me succeed than not.
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