Seriously feeling some FOMO right now.
I just realized I haven't been living my life to it's fullest like today...
When this phrase sorta hit me.
To all parents-to-be, GO AND BE FREE. GO. DO WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. TRAVEL. BE ROMANTIC. BE FRIVOLOUS. BE YOUNG. You’ll need to draw strength from these moments when *fast forward* you suddenly find yourself up at 3.26am groggy and grumpy and wondering how on earth you ended up with this little human in your arms.
And i realize i'm definitely living small. Especially with the relationship, and with how i'm doing my life.
No sense of progress, dreams all over the place... what do i truly want?
A part of me; the single part of me is screaming... I want to party. Drink. Smoke. Hang out and make (more) statements with the way I live my life... and enjoy everything god's gift to men has to offer. in all their splendour, and intricacies.
I want to go out more, be out there more, have the space and presence to make more friends in school.
My youth is slipping from me; I am 25 this year. What the fuck does that even truly mean?
It's been 7 years since J2 and TCC.
It's 70% through a decade.
Next year and it's the decade anniversary for Sec 4.
What have I done since then?
What have I experienced?
What price did I pay? For what reward?
-
All I am saying is that it's been a few years since I told myself that I wanted to truly live. Freely.
But things get more difficult as we grow older don't they? Doesn't the clarity and peace of youth slowly get replaced with the chaos, burden and uncertainty of responsibility?
They do. It does. And I'm definitely not living.
nowthisisn'tliving-
-
So what would I want to do to live?
I want to be the best version of myself physically, mentally and emotionally.
I want to play music, express myself in sound
I want to be a little bit of a stoner. HAHA like go to festivals, smoke drink and just be a little tragic for a while.
I am starting to get tired of the whole entrepreneurship narrative - it is getting old. and it is getting tiring...very tiring.
I want to get a tattoo.
I want to do stupid things with my hair
I want to travel the world, as i've said i wanted to for so long
I want to fall back in love. What I'm doing now is hardly considered as truly living. With chloe nonetheless. But with anyone else, this is sure as hell not considered living. It's existing in a fucking bubble of comfort and regression.
I dont like it at all.
I think Shawn Khuhan's got something right going on.
And honestly. It's been too long since I've actually practiced these "living" muscles.
HAHA.
Okay okay okay okay I am ultimate confronted now.
I need to do an act of courage a day. And I am obviously squelching. fuck
-
OK i posted the above at 5plus AM this morning. it's currently 4pm and I've gymmed, eaten with chloe and met the spanish ta to handle the details for monday.
I am super sleepy now, and it's strange because it's a weird timing to feel sleepy.
I chose to do my act of courage today with BodyAttack - a class held in FF. I didn't know the extent to which they relied on explosive leg movements though. I ended up with 45 minutes of ridiculous jumping, hopping, and lateral movements that pulverised my knees and legs haha.
Did it pay off? I think it did. It's good cardio and should be something I do on a daily basis.
-
Anyways, I am going to do some spanish, until about 9pm before going to sleep. :)
Fred-
No comments:
Post a Comment